Sunday, August 31, 2008

The Art of Eating Maryland Crabs

First off, reach into the pile of boiling hot crabs that were steamed in Old Bay seasoning, and select one by size that suits your appetite.

Flip the crab over to expose its belly. This is a male crab which is indicated by the spear-shaped structure called an "apron." That is the thingy in the middle.

The hinged apron is then pulled down, and the crab's erstwhile business district is exposed. You then snap the spear off, and that releases the crab's upper shell from its lower half.

The mighty crab's machine shop is then opened for your scavenging endeavors. The lungs (the cream colored leafy structures on its flanks) are discarded.

The top half corners of the crab's shell harbors a creaming goo that resembles mustard; hence, its name, "mustard." However, it no more tastes like mustard than mayonnaise tastes like mustard or ketchup tastes like asparagus soup.

A yummy finger tip of mustard.

With its lungs removed you can now suck from its meridian all the gooey goodness of more mustard! Then hold the crab carcass firmly betwixt your hands and snap it in half.

Ummmmmmmmm, meat. Ummmmm, mustard.

SLURP, SLURP, SLURP!!!

"GOOD GAWD! You don't expect me to eat that wormy looking mess--DO YOU?" Yes, just be careful not to eat the gray colored "sand sack." It only takes one bite to realize why it ought to be discarded.

Take your knife and crack a groove near the pincers, and crack away the arm--voila--a nice chunk of meat is there for your delight! The middle segment of the arm also has a pleasant surprise of meat as well. BUT--be sure the crab is fully cooked!

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"SON-OF-A-B-WORD!" And yes, I do mean BROCCOLI.

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