Ask Alabaster

ASK ALABASTER HICKEY--

Thank you for having written into Ask Alabaster Hickey. As you already know I will travel the world to answer your question no matter how dim-witted it is.

This latest query comes to us from a Lester Hunchberry, who is serving a limited engagement at a maximum security facility’s Death Row, for a crime he insists he did not commit. Yeah, right, Lester! As if our flawed judicial system has ever sent an innocent man to the electric chair—wait a minute, I think a few have been executed and were proven innocent years later. Someone’s costly mistake for sure! Oh well! In your case I am certain that you are guilty and deserve to do the High Voltage Polka--ASAP or, considering your circumstances, perhaps I should have used the acronym AZAP. I digress, back to your letter.

“Dear Alabaster Hickey:

I was wondering if those plastic owls work at keeping other birds off an air conditioning unit?

Sincerely and Running Out of Time,

Lester Hunchberry ”

Note the sparrow’s close proximity to the static owl--

The sparrow seems to have come to terms with the plastic owl’s presence. I hope that these pictures have answered your question in a timely manner--

For having picked Mr. Hunchberry’s letter out of the two we have received in the last eight months, we are sending as a consolation prize this magnificent, embossed plastic poster of a buzzard.

The Ever Vigilant,

Alabaster Hickey