TIME SQUARE

"HEY, F--KFACE!  YA YOU!  YA'INAH HURRY F--KFACE?"

The sidewalks were swarming with tourists and business locals, so this New Yorker took to briskly walking along the gutter.  For reasons unknown, a taxi driver honked at him and what followed was the above exchange of pleasantries.
Welcome to New York City's
TIME SQUARE!

"MOMMA TOW'D ME NOT TO GO!"

(Sorry! Yes, I added the smiley faces, but not the butterfly)

I said to a grinning businessman sitting at a table to my immediate right, "You don't see this in Iowa!"  He laughed.

       BREASTS TO BEASTS      

Crapping Pennies.

Why do people throw money

into the imprints of a long dead sauropod?

TO EARTH IT FELL

This is a massive meteorite was held sacred by the Clackama Indians of Oregon's Willamette Valley, they named it Tomanowos after a "revered spiritual being that has healed and empowered the people of the valley since the beginning of time."

The rainwater that pooled in its pocked surface was believed to have healing, purifying, and cleansing powers.  But then came the 1850's, and the various tribes of the western Oregon and northern California were relocated, and this object of great religious significance was packed off to the American Museum of Natural History.

T-REX

According to Dr. Jack Horner, Curator of the Museum of the Rockies Department of Paleontology, this flesh ripping, chunk gobbling, Jeep chasing beast of nearly every boy's dream, was more suited for the consumption of carrion than for the ferocious fights choreographed in cinema.  Morevoer, Dr. Horner has pointed out that its dainty forearms were not adequately designed to capture large prey; and I might add to that, or even holding a tea cup.

However, its enlarged olfactory (its sniffer) was enlarged and at best designed for hunting down static, and pungent prey already dead.

THE PEOPLE ON THE STREET

D'OOPS! I already used this picture!

Woody says, "Howdy stranger!"

Hot dog vendor

BRYANT PARK

Carousel

.

A few decades ago this beautiful little park, in midtown New York, was the haunt of drug attics, pushers, and other frequenters of society's substrata.  It was successfully taken back by area citizens, and is now a place families can enjoy.

Bryant's Parks exceedingly clean and welcoming public restrooms.

    The EMPIRE STATE BUILDING    

Click on picture to enlarge

THE CHRYSLER BUILDING 

People and Places

Male Boothrooms?

A Subtle Difference 

"HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS!"

Our journey ends where it began, in the dank, musty smelling subways of The Big Apple.

Copyright © 2010 Jonathan Aspensen All rights reserved. No part of this website, nor any of its contents, may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of 

Jonathan Aspensen. 

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Golly Gothom Gunther!

Old Bohemian Church Established in 1704

Our journey started off simple enough; it was late Saturday morning, and we wanted to visit the Old Bohemian Church on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. The church was established in 1704 to serve this rural community’s Roman Catholic population. Judging from the name “Bohemian” there must have been Czechs around, and after reading the names on the various tombstones there were Germans, and Poles there as well.

Crypt Top left: 1853; Bottom left: 1731; Top Right 1813

Life's Tour of Duty Ended for "PN" in 1789

After the visit to the cemetery we decided to jaunt over to Delaware and look for a place to have lunch. Heading north after we toured a shaving of this sliver of a State, I was asked if I had ever been to New Jersey. I replied that I had not, and the next thing I knew we were crossing a bridge on the New Jersey Turnpike looking down upon the Delaware River. I met a woman in Baltimore who hailed from New Jersey, and I said, “Nu’Joisey? How come you don’t talk like dis?” She frowned and replied, “I ain’t from HO-boken!”

The rivers here in the east are far broader and deeper than they are in the west, if you have ever seen the Mississippi River as it saunters through Missouri then you certainly know what I am talking about. Upon entering New Jersey we shortly found ourselves crossing the Hudson River, and driving over Staten Island. I was astonished to see rolling hills of a fair height and girth; when considering that the surrounding countryside was flat and forested, where it was not paved, this was astonishing. “Mound Builders perhaps? Did the ancient Mississippian culture expand this far east?” I wondered. It did not take long before I became suspicious as to the origin of these hillocks. I became skeptical when I observed a series of tall, white pipes poking out of the hillsides. “Those are vent pipes to exhaust the methane.” I drolly stated. “For cryin’ out loud, this is a garbage dump!” “Yes,” said my wife, “New York City is right over there.” Pointing northeast I could see the distant cutout forms that distinguish Lower Manhattan from the Rocky Mountains. “There’s the Statue of Liberty!------It sure is small.” After we passed the countless rows of houses of Brooklyn we suddenly came face to brick with the iconic masthead of the Big Apple--we were crossing into New York, on New York’s Brooklyn Bridge! My mind was swiped with an abrasive, surrealistic crash of reality, “Good gawd, I’m in New York City! The fabled, GOTHOM CITY!

Brooklyn Bridge

It was not long before my wide-eyed enthusiasm began to burn with the harsh smog of rush hour traffic. Couple that with rude and aggressive taxi drivers; sirens wailing; car horns honking. waves of gawking, oblivious pedestrians; bicycle couriers that know no fear, and a skateboarder that pushed himself from taxi to taxi only to grab onto the back of a transit bus for an additional few hundred feet. I was astonished. Then I forgot about my blazing eyes as glimpse of the Empire State Building poked in and out of view. “Holy donut holes, Batman! There’s the Chrysler Building, the Theatre District; Central Park; Carnegie Hall---Oooo, a bagel shop!”

I wanted to drive past the foot of the Empire State Building to see if the pavement still bore the imprint of King Kong’s massive hulk, but the wife informed me that that was strictly Hollywood, and that the Empire State Building was only a prop. I was dismayed.

Playing Peek-a-Boo with the Empire State Building

Standing Alone

The Taxi Cab Whistle Man

The U.N.



My First Impression

We returned home at mid-night, and together had a glass of burgundy. We shall return.

"There are eight million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them."

Copyright © 2008 Jonathan Aspensen All rights reserved. No part of this website, nor any of its contents, may be
reproduced in any form without the express written permission of
Jonathan Aspensen.